The Marauders' Last Prank
by A True Hufflepuff
Summary: Lily observes as Sirius, James and Peter play a final prank on Remus. Mild SiriusRemus slash, oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** If I were J.K. Rowling, I'd be publishing this for a great deal of money. But I'm not, so I'm not.

**Author's Notes: **… I really don't know where this one came from. Seriously. It's a pretty pointless bit of fluff, if I'm honest, and the ending sucks, but hopefully someone other than myself will get some sort of enjoyment out of it! And if you do… please review _puppy dog eyes_

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James and Sirius were Up To No Good, Lily could just _tell_. You couldn't spend seven years in the same house as the infamous Padfoot and Prongs _without _recognizing the signs, but Lily felt that her eight months as James's girlfriend had given her that extra edge in mischief-spotting. It was an edge she often wished she didn't have.

But have it she did, and as a result she could not fail to notice that for the past three days the boys- _men_, really (Lily shuddered at the thought)- had been even more inseparable than usual, and had spent the time during which they were unseparated whispering and giggling and generally acting the same way they acted whenever they were plotting some nefarious scheme.

She supposed she shouldn't be surprised; after all, NEWTS were over now, and in two days the Seventh Years would be boarding the Hogwarts Express for the very last time… it would have been naïve NOT to expect a final prank. What was interesting about this time, however, was that this prank did not appear to be strictly a Marauders' prank- for one thing, she had seen the two boys, along with Peter, sidling up to various other Gryffindors for a "quick word", always when they appeared to think she was out of the way (she was a lot sneakier than they gave her credit for).

Even more unusually, it appeared that Remus was playing no part in this particular scheme- he had spent the last few days valiantly attempting to ignore his friends, resolutely reading a book in his favourite armchair, and was doing such a good job of appearing unaware of any plotting that may be taking place that it took Lily nearly an hour to realize that he hadn't turned a single page. And was it just her, or was he looking a bit… _tense_ for someone who was snuggled up by the fire with a good book?

It wasn't just her- at that moment the portrait hole opened, emitting three boys deep in conversation; before Lily had even registered that these were the very same boys who had just been occupying her thoughts, she noticed Remus stiffen in his seat, white fingers gripping the book as if he were holding on to something rational for dear life.

She glanced back over at her boyfriend and his friends, who were so intent on their discussion that they appeared oblivious to absolutely anything else. Even, say, an eavesdropper? _Hmmm…_And before she allowed herself to question whether or not she really _wanted _to know what they were planning, she slid across the common room, settling herself unobtrusively in the midst of a group who were watching a chess game that just so happened to be within hearing distance of the pranksters… if one were listening very intently. Which Lily, naturally, was.

"So you've got Kingsley and Frank blocking the portrait hole, right?" Sirius whispered gleefully.

"Right-" Came Peter's reply.

"And if he tries to bolt up to the dorms-"

"I tackle him and then sit on him. We've been over this Padfoot! We're ready! It's now or-"

But the second option was beginning to look more likely as James finally noticed Lily listening to them. Before he had a chance to do anything but give her a guilty, slightly-sickly looking smile, she spoke.

"Go on then," she said, arms folded, trying not to appear too amused. "Spill."

"Evans!" Sirius gave her his most winning smile. "How are you today my sweet?"

"I'll be a darn sight better as soon as you tell me what asinine plot you two have been concocting so I can give you each a proverbial kick in the-"

"Ah, feisty as ever I see!"

James cut in, trying- and failing- to sound innocent. "We haven't been _plotting_ anything, Lilypad-"

"DON'T call me Lilypad!"

Peter ignored this interruption. "What would make you think we were?"

"Well, lets see, you've spent the past THREE DAYS together whispering and snickering whilst poor Remus has been desperately avoiding the three of you, but I suppose what really gave it away was the fact that I just HEARD you both talking about blocking escape routes and SITTING ON PEOPLE-"

Sirius took advantage of Lily's pause for breath to cut in. "Well, we didn't say we weren't PLANNING anything! But plotting just sounds so negative, and this is a wonderful thing! Just trust me on this one- you're gonna love it." And he strode away so fast that she didn't even get a chance to say that the day she trusted Sirius Black would be the day her sister's awful boyfriend became Headmaster of Hogwarts.

"What is he-" She began to ask, but James cut in.

"Shhh! Just watch." And she saw him nod at Frank and Kingsley, sitting close by. Both boys nodded back and stood up, calmly walking over to the portrait hole.

She was tempted to go over there right now and scold them for allowing themselves to become involved with ANYTHING James and Sirius were doing, but she was distracted by the sight of Sirius standing over the armchair occupied by Remus, who appeared not to have noticed him (except for the rigid jaw and gripping hands and slightly paler-than-usual face).

Eventually, Remus could no longer ignore the grinning boy standing before him, as the common room had gone mostly quiet (aside from a fight that had broken out between a black queen and a white knight, which was ignored by those who had been playing just moments before).

"Yes, Padfoot?" He didn't look up from his book as he spoke.

"Ahem." Was all Sirius said in return, as he pulled a scrappy bit of parchment from inside his pocket and, lifting it up, began to read from it.

"Shall I compare thee to a summers day?

Thou art hotter even than that.

And to protect myself from thee, I would say,

I would not merely need to wear a sunhat.

No, it would take so much more,

For me to resist thine manly charms

I'd need someone to strap me down, for

I so long to be in thine arms.

Unlike summer thou bringst no flies,

Nor mosquitoes to bite me- thou doest that thineself.

I feel flushed and sweaty just looking into thine eyes-

Thou art rather hazardous to my health.

But, my love, thou art more than worth it,

As, in case thou didn't know, thou art extremely fit."

The brief silence that followed this sonnet was the most silent silence Lily had ever heard. Although many people didn't get the reference- Shakespeare was much less known in the Wizarding world than in the Muggle world- it was still quite clearly a love poem that Sirius Black had just read to Remus Lupin, and as the majority of Gryffindor house were unaware of their romantic relationship, the majority of Gryffindor house were at this moment rather staggered (especially, it must be said, the girls- Sirius was, after all, extremely good-looking, although Lily never would have admitted it to his face.) Still, it didn't take long for the whispers to start.

As for Remus, James had not needed to sit on him, for throughout the sonnet he had remained frozen to the spot, a look of abject horror on his face. "Sirius…" he finally managed faintly. He didn't seem to be able to find any other words. Lily knew exactly how he felt.

In answer, Sirius merely lowered himself until he was bending down on one knee. In front of Remus. _Oh no, he isn't…_

"REMUS JOHN LUPIN…"

"Sirius-"

"MY DEAREST MOONY…"

"Padfoot, please-"

"WILL YOU DO ME THE MOST GREAT AND MAGNIFICENT HONOUR…"

"_Sirius-"_

"OF CONSENTING TO MOV-"

"Padfoot, _will you put a bloody sock in it???_"

"ING IN WITH ME?" He finished triumphantly, sitting back on his haunches and grinning at Remus's very pink and flustered face.

"Whaddya say Moony?" He asked, still grinning, ignoring the whispers and catcalls going on around them.

Remus stared at him, the red colour on his cheeks the only emotion he betrayed. Then, without a word, he flopped back on the chair and smacked his book into his face.

Sirus's grin grew even wider. "What do you reckon, Prongs? Did that look like a yes to you?"

"Well Pads, it certainly had an air of defeat about it…"

At this, Remus removed the book to reveal a slightly less pink and flustered face. He tilted his head so he was looking directly into Sirius's eyes, and announced: "I hate you." These words, however, were completely belied by the smile slowly spreading across his face.

"No you don't. You love me. OI EVERYBODY, MOONY LOVES ME AND HE'S MOVING IN WITH ME AND MMMFFFFFFFFF!!!" For Remus had, just launched himself at the handsome young man and managed to shove the book he was reading- "Hairy Snout, Human Heart"- directly into his 'overlarge' (as he would claim later) mouth.

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Yeah, like I said… but still, please review! Constructive criticism very welcome!


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